The very beginnings of preparation for tomorrow are a
distant memory and now I'm ready. Today
is the day before and I am filled with anticipation. A mix of emotions combine together forming a
fine sauce that adds a tangy, sweet, delicious flavor to the wait for tomorrow. This particular day is unique
in its ingredients creating a special and memorable texture and
intensity. It is always the same recipe but never the exactly the same ingredients. The day before is just never
the same but it is always familiar.
Today has some of my favorite ingredients. It is a beautiful spring morning. The sun is shining, the air is warm and
comfortable. With these as a base, the
likelihood of a good day is high. The clear blue sky and bright morning light add expectation and excitement while they dull
the sharp edges of anxiety.
Of course
the anxiety still leaks into my consciousness from the places I have it bottle
up. The negative thoughts lurk in dark corners at the back of the cupboards where my conscious thought are stored. It would be easy to accidentally mix their bitter taste
into my sauce of postive attitude and ruin it. That will not
happen today, and not tomorrow; I’m paying attention and selecting thoughts deliberately and carefully, examining the contents before opening them up.
In very subtle ways, today reminds me of the eve of other important days
and calls to mind wonderful memories that confirm how well things will work
out. Having been here before, there is little mystery in my expection of tomorrow.
It is amazing, however, that the academic knowledge of the past has no affect on the intensity of emotions. The awareness of previous repetitions is simply
garnish that adds color. It is something
that gives a lovely presentation to a stew of emotions but has no impact on the
result.
I’m still excited and nervous,
prepared yet uncertain, confident and anxious. So many things can happen, but there is comfort in knowing that I have
addressed all those things that can be influenced.
As for the rest, the random chances, the unfortunate coincidences, the
forces of nature, I won’t waste my store of positive energy on trying to
control them. That is a fool’s errand.
So it is now time to begin the day. I have a list of chores in front of me. Some are necessary, some are even important. Many others, certainly the majority, are simply
collected together to provide distractions and diversions. As the saying goes, a watched pot never boils. Just watching the clock and awaiting
the arrival of tomorrow could make for an endless day today. I’m happy to have a complicated list of
errands and activities to occupy my time even though I’m sure at the end of the
day I’ll wonder why nothing of substance was actually accomplished. Accomplishments, however, were never intended
to be critical part of the recipe today.
Tomorrow will come on its own terms and I
will be rested and prepared. After
tomorrow comes and goes I will relax.
This is too rich of a meal to be consumed regularly. Once in a while is sufficient to remind me of
the flavor but not so much that I lose my appetite when I think of it later.
