Barb, Jen, Nikki and I are headed to Milwaukee to see my parents. We boarded the train last night at about 11pm. It was an hour late. We were told that the delay was due to the train waiting in Albany to collect some passengers that would have otherwise missed their connection to Chicago. I can live with that. Holding up an airplane to avoid stranding passengers is not something you'd ever see in any airport. We have a scheduled 3 hour layover in Chicago, so spending an hour of it in Syracuse for the sake of salvaging someone else's trip seems reasonable.
Anyone who knows me well will probably stop at this point, reread that paragraph again and then check the by-line. My natural temperament tends toward frustration and worry where travel is concerned, each competing for the foremost position in my thoughts at any given time. I see this, however, as one of many opportunities on my self improvement list and currently one of the more active areas of attention. The usual aggravation I feel regarding travel delay situations isn't far below the surface, but for now I'm working on going along with the flow.
It is easy and natural for me to worry. I rationalize that behavior when I travel by telling myself I need to think through every conceivable (mostly negative) eventualities so I can react quickly and make the best decision if it occurs, and maybe even take some preemptive steps to mitigate some of the impact of any potential trouble to my trip. Has it ever been helpful? Sure it has, a few times... Out of the hundreds of trips I've taken over the years, though, it has to be in the small single digit percentages. If you worry enough, you'll cross paths with some reality every so often. I'm starting to realize, however, that the value of that preparedness which is a byproduct of the worry in those few situations, comes at a very high emotional cost in all the other times. I think Mark Twain is quoted as having said that he lived through many terrible events in his life, and some of them actually happened. I can relate to that thought.
So, what changed?
The last 9 years of running of running a little over 1,700 miles has taken me to a place where I'm inclined to look more objectively at my natural instincts. Spending an hour or so filling my lungs and brain with oxygen almost every morning, and having the opportunity to reflect in the quiet predawn hours has provided me a space to consider things. That is coupled with a great running group full of diverse personalities willing to explore any topic with me in a generally honest and mostly objective way if it helps relieve the boredom of a long run. Lastly, running, like any sport, teaches you to pay attention to your body, mind and spirit. This attention to detail sheds light on how things are connected. The changes to my ways of thinking are as gradual as the changes to my body, but are just as evident to me now. Is running THE solution to stress and worry? Of course it isn't, but is an important ingredient.
Another related behavior that I am trying to cultivate into a habit is daily meditation or prayer (to me the two are largely connected). It too is something that I think bears its fruit over the long haul and requires some self-discipline to get started and stay on track. I used to work with a guy that was fond of saying that "Nothing good happens fast". I buy into that philosophy and am approaching my meditation exercise as something that will be obviously effective only in hindsight. The key of just paying attention to thoughts and feelings without judging or trying to change them is at both fascinating and frightening to me. It requires more practice (and maybe tenacity) than I expected. It is an easily understood, intellectual concept that I find terribly difficult, or at least inconvenient and uncomfortable, to execute on. I take solace in the fact that the idea of running 26 miles was, once upon a time, in that same category (actually I remember when running a single mile was out of reach).
And so I sit with a warm cup of coffee in the snack car of a train, more than an hour behind schedule, not feeling stressed or anxious but knowing that the emotions are there just below the surface. I'm not sure how the day will play out but I really have no interest in trying to optimize it. I will take things as they come and negotiate each turn in the road as I come upon it. If I come to a fork in the road, I assess it when I happen upon it rather than playing through every potential opportunity for a fork to appear and analyzing how to react now.
