I sit in a darkened room finally processing this morning's news; I have lost a friend. A dear friend, a colleague, a man who meant much to many.
My wife asks why I'm quiet, why I'm not hungry. She knows. She understands that I don't have the words to explain... I've lost a friend. A true friend, someone who had my back as I tried to have his.
I know where he's gone, to a place of peace, a place where he is free from the pain, free from the struggle of the disease. For his sake it is a blessing of sorts, but I have lost a friend and it is a struggle for me to manage.
I am frustrated and embarrassed by an inability to express myself. Please let it be enough to know... I have lost a friend. A colleague, a partner who challenged me as I think I occasionally challenged him.
There are others sharing in this loss. Others who have lost a husband, and father and son, but comparing sorrow does not reduce it. It is common to all who knew him, and like love, sorrow does not reduce as it is divided. It weighs on each differently but on all heavily. For me, I am very sad because I have lost friend, a close friend, a young friend, a man that gave much in his quiet, thoughtful way.
I know I am not lost to him the way he is lost to me. I continue to be his friend. His soul is free to come to visit me as he pleases. That thought is less a comfort to me now than it may be later. My loss, our loss, seems too great today.
I will try to fill the space he has left with something more than the heavy sorrow, perhaps love. But if I am lost in thought or distracted, please try to understand that it is a struggle for me. Today I have lost a friend.
